Story: My Mystery Loss

So, can I tell you guys a story?

Normally I wouldn't share something like this on healthy ashley, but this situation has become a big part of me whether I like it or not- and since we're all about blogging love here I thought I'd share this (and get it off my chest since it's got me down again tonight).

Ben, Josh and Me

The Beginning

Five years ago I was interested in this boy named Ben. Ben and I eventually "dated", but it was his best friend Josh who I developed a real bond with. At first I was more scared of Josh than I wanted to be his friend. He was 5 years older than me and a little rough.

Nonetheless, Josh and I became best friends long after Ben and I faded. Complete opposites, we just understood and accepted each other. I loved Josh and he loved me. I remember one night several years back when he got into some big trouble. I was his first call. He cried and told me how I was his only true friend who has always stuck by him through thick and thin and he loved me for it.

Forever Friends

Josh spent a year living a few hours away from me, but we would always keep in touch. You know those friendships where you can pick up the phone or meet for coffee and forget that you haven't spoken in a few months? This was it.

Well about a year ago Josh began dating Katie. Katie and I have been friends for more than 8 years. We're not best friends, but we definitely picked up our friendship and became closer once Josh and Katie started dating. I was so happy for both of them.

An Opportunity to Help

Josh wanted to get more serious about his life and plans on taking over his father's landscaping business. Since I'm in PR I volunteer to create and execute a whole marketing plan for the company to get it off the ground (for free). He sets a large budget, I only spend half and I approved all costs with him first. I worked my butt off for two full weeks doing research, hosting meetings, designing a website and logo, designing and printing 1,000 fliers, etc.

So Josh and Katie find out their pregnant (not good news based on many factors). I am the first person Josh calls. I promise to support them 100%. Over the next few weeks I spend time with both of them (together and separate) hanging out and talking about their plans. Next thing I know I'm planning her baby shower (and purchased everything for it).

They decide to get married. Josh wants me as his "best man."

Fast Crash

On the Sunday we had planned to meet for me to transfer the fliers to Josh, he doesn't answer his phone. That's weird. So I try Katie and she doesn't answer either. Other than a few accidental answers, they never spoke to me again from that day. (After that I did try email and facebook to contac them, too.) That is when my two biggest friendships ended.

Making Sense of It

I first thought it could have to do with the money. But I stayed under-budget, used my own money and assured him he could pay me much later, whenever he had things in order.

So I have no idea what happened. I have a website, press release, marketing plan and 1,000 fliers sitting unused and I've lost people very close to my heart.

Trying to Move On

This was about 7 months ago. I've graduated and moved into my own apartment and they weren't here to celebrate with me. They've since married (I obviously wasn't invited) and are expecting a baby (the first "oops" pregnancy miscarried).

This wasn't just two casual friends I can easily write off. Josh was my best friend who has always been there for me. For them to suddenly ignore me altogether with no explanation is beyond me.

Anytime I think of the situation I get so down. It hurts. And without any explanation to provide closure, I can't let the hurt go away.

So that's my story for the night :) As much as I hate it, this situation has become a part of me.

_________________

ps- On the sidebar I'm going to track my exercises as my 2nd half marathon quickly approaches!