Wait a Second...

.. didn't this blog begin with me committing to get to my goal weight (now revised to 136)? Oh yeah...instead I gained 4 pounds that will not leave me.

I've had a series of ups and downs, all coming close to (but never actually hitting) my start weight (no, not goal. STARTING weight) of 144. I've made lots of improvements, really. But my weight remains up. And this weekend it got worse.

Thursday I was doing really well. In spite of having plans to go out to eat with friends every single day of the week, I was exercising, eating right and feeling great. And then it happened.

Thursday
9:00pm- Close to my starting weight. Feeling great... set my alarm for early next morning to run...
10:00pm- An unexpected, no control moment with a big bowl of full-fat ice cream. And a second bowl.

Friday
7:00am- Scale shows +2. I know I didn't gain 2 pounds, but I feel horrible about how I let myself down. I was this close.
7:10am- No workout- I feel like crap. Weekends are busy and food-packed for me. Losing my motivation on Friday just sets me up for disaster. But I took responsibility, scrambled up some motivation and did pretty well eating wise. I even crammed in an awesome intense run.

Saturday
7:30am- Scale shows +1. "What the *^@*^?!?!?"... "It's okay. Just remain calm and kick butt. You'll see a good number tomorrow."

Sunday
7:24am- Scale shows +.2. It's Mothers Day. I can't let this get me down.

Sunday
6:55am- Scale shows +1.2- a number I have NEVER seen before. Up 5 pounds in 4 days? All motivation gone. Gone.


All my life I maintain at 144 (always doing weights and eating 90% well), and now this? It is not just a number. It is my body, my confidence,. my clothes, my fitness, my success, my health. And right now I feel like crap all around.