Feelin' Fatty

I have my final final exam tomorrow morning and I am looking for any excuse to get out of studying! My mind is only thinking one thing: summer! (Although I will be working full-time and taking summer classes this summer. Hmmm...) Anyway...

Do you ever have those times.... when ___ (brownies, second helping of cereal, second piece of bread, wine, etc.) is in front of you saying, "Eat me." You think, "Oh no. I really don't want you. Thanks anyway." But the You#2 says, "But ______ is yummy. And you CAN have it, really. It won't even count." You say, "Just walk away. You'll feel better for it." But You don't walk away. And you lose the battle to You#2 without a fight. Ever had one of those times?

Well I have these moments a lot. Tonight: I had a great day food-wise, a not so pretty number on the scale, good time at work and just got home from an impromptu trip to the gym (!). I had a big pre-gym snack and was just slightly hungry for dinner. I had tofu marinating in the fridge and fresh asparagus in hand. The 10-minute brown rice was 2-feet away. Perfect, right? mmmm...

I had leftover Domino's pizza and soy chocolate milk.
I even spread some margarine on the crust!

The entire time I was telling myself to stop. "You've done so great today! Save the calories for something yo enjoy!" I just couldn't. Or didn't, but I felt like I couldn't. So I ate and ate and derailed my entire day for tasteless crap.

What do you do in these situations? I try talking to myself, but then I ignore my voice. Please share.

Habits Schmabits!

As I was separating my (black bean!) burger and David was assembling his at Chili's on Saturday, I realized I've never shown you how I eat! Whenever possible, I eat everything separately. Even grilled cheese. I eat the cheese. Then I eat the bread. I like all my flavors separate (and I feel like I am eating more!).

So below I have my bun on one side, the patty by itself and toppings on the other side. I like my regular salads mixed together, but I always eat the big things first (croutons..).
David thinks I am a little cookoo. =)
Do you have any weird eating habits? I can't be the only one!!

Oh, Chili's...

Oh, Chili's, How I Love/Hate Thee...

I had a really good workout this morning and wanted to keep the healthy-vibe going, so I suggested Chili's for lunch. I know just what to get there and I've memorized most of the nutrition facts. So I order: Black Bean Burger, sub the veggies for a side salad, the vinaigrette you have- on the side, please! She said, "Oh! The so and so vinaigrette?" Sure!

Welllllll! I was surprised when I come home to check the nutrition stats (I'm counting calories now and seeing hwo that goes). 340 calories for 2 ounces? Are you kidding me?

Here's the breakdown of my meal:

Salad- 140

Dressing- 340 (Citrus Balsamic Vinaigrette)

½ Bun- 170

Black Bean Patty- 200

Additional Toppings- 50

Total: 900

Wow. 900 calories for a healthy lunch? Oooops!

I don't see why any restaurant needs to serve a dressing with 340 calories. I should have double-checked the nutrition facts, but c'mon

Baby Mama Review

On a scale of 1-10, I give Baby Mama a 9. And a 4.

- a lot of the funny parts were in the preview
- the beginning was verrrryy slow
- the funny parts were "OMG! I'm going to pee my pants!" funny
- has anyone noticed how gorgeous Tina Fey is?
- good storyline with a few twists and turns
- the acting was just so fake!
- seriously- the funny parts were so funny

Overall rating: Go! The funny parts are really funny and will make up for the slow times. Go!

Baby Mama

Stop the Madness!

I need some teammates for this one.

I've posted plenty of times about cereal and how it is my comfort/trigger/can-NEVER-have-just-one-bowl food. It completely stalls my weight loss and all of my good efforts. Lately I have been having cereal every night. I just can't keep away.

I need to quit. This isn't like chocolate, where I could have one bit and tell myself to stop. Cereal isn't even about enjoyment... it's just bad. I am going to quit for 1 month (nice even time?)- April 25- May 25. What can I lose?

But, I have tried many times to "quit", so I need some accountability. If there's anything you need to throw to the curb for a month, join me! Leave a comment and we'll get this started. I seriously need accountability to let go of the stupid cereal!


*** Update:
New blogger Monica quits cookies!
Watchinmyweight quits soda!!

Resisting!

I am resisting a plate of Panera brownies and cookies right now. They are 7 feet away from me and I could very easily cut off "just a taste".. but no! I have a goal and will meet it! I've already had plenty of yummy food and would like to continue a healthy, OP day. (And see the scales move in the other direction!) I just had to throw that out there. Phew!


And check this out! An 220-pound alligator in her kitchen? Alive!
These are the types of things that happen where I live. Could you imagine?!

*Enjoy the rest of your day! (And take a minute to stand and s-t-r-e-t-c-h!)

How Sad

"The mother raccoon must have thought it was a good place to raise a litter. Turns out, it was the fire chamber of a tar machine. When roofers lit it this morning to repair a roof in Pinellas park, the singed mother and this baby ran out. Another was stuck inside, crying. A roofer was arrested." Story here.

You know that feeling...

...of how good it feels to work out? I got to experience that tonight! My semester is about to wrap up, and I was able to hit the gym after an exam today! It felt amazing! I love working out- to feel so alive and strong. I can't wait to plan normal visits to my YMCA again!
________________________________________________

I've pinpointed the hour after I come home from work to be my diet downfall. I am hungry and impatient waiting for my dinner to cook- so I eat anything. So yesterday I took action and made a healthy meal to have tonight. It was delicious!

Saucy Rice

1 small can of tomato sauce (I used Hunts?)
1 Lg. Onion, chopped
1 Lg. Tomato, chopped
Garlic
Oregano
Pepper
(sautee above ingredients together in a large frying pan)

Add One 13oz.can Cannellini beans

Simmer for 10 minutes. Stir on cooked brown rice. Sprinkle with breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese. ENJOY!

Halfway through I realized how yummy it was and had to take a picture to share! (in my new bowl from Target! .50 cents!)

Gone.

I remember buying these. Size 2- and they were baggy. I am 5'9"... wow.


Never again will I weigh myself and think "I wonder how low that number can go." Never again will I need to be the smallest person in the room. Never again will I compromise my body, my health and my happiness to meet asinine demands set up by a twisted, impersonal industry.


Take that, fashion.

{137}

I am saying No! to the brownies in the kitchen because I don't need them. I've already had a fantastic treat, and brownies will only make me feel gross and weigh-in more in the morning! So.... do you hear that, brownies?!?! NO!

Geesh.

Also, I have re-evaluated my goal weight. I've thought hard about how my eating disorder can creep into my daily life today. 134 is a number I associate with 'skinny'. My 'skinny' reasons are more for other people and in my mind are unachievable without sacrificing my well-being. So I am moving my goal to 136. It is only 2 pounds more, but it is a huge mental thing with me.

I also need to really evaluate getting rid of a few pairs of jeans that I have been holding onto. They are very small- the jeans I fit into when my weight dropped to 120. I bought these jeans when I was forced to gain weight, as a sort of promise to myself that I would lose the weight that I was gaining. (If I didn't gain weight, I wouldn't be able to have kids- I had way too little body fat for my body to do anything.) Holding on to these pants has allowed me to easily slip into ill thinking. In March last year I shed a few pounds and got to a healthy 137. I felt so good. Really, my body was perfect at that weight. I was exercising, had energy and would jump into a bathing suit without anyone asking twice! But, in all my glory, I still secretly tried on my too-tight pants and told myself how I needed to be 'skinny.' Well, no thank you! I am not going there again!

I don't think I can let go right now, but I need to liberate myself by removing these pants from my closet. My goal now is to be healthy, strong and hot! "Hot" isn't skinny. Hot has shape.

p.s.- Thank you for all of your support with my relationship issues the past few days. It really helps. Right now David and I are trying to work through some things. It's still not easy!

China and Chub

My diet this weekend has mostly consisted of cereal. Not because I am engaging in emotional eating, but because I have no desire to eat or cook. I just won't enjoy the food, and cereal is comforting and easy when my stomach says it is hungry. Part of me has felt like a zombie walking. The only exercise I've had is walking. I try to walk to clear my head, but I have no motivation to go to the gym. I'm afraid that all of the emotions will overwhelm me and I am not ready to have a breakdown in the middle of the YMCA.

I am trying to surround myself with my friends who love me. Saturday I took another 25-mile bike ride with Becca. After that I stopped by a thrift store to pick up a few new plates since my previous favorite fell out of the cabinet and shattered all over. There are literally 100 plates in that cabinet- yet the one plate that I eat EVERY meal off of has to break. How gorgeous is this bowl? I can't wait to eat my morning oatmeal out of it!
Yesterday I met same friends for a post-church lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant. I had stir-fried veggies, tofu and a dallop of white rice. We had the most interesting group of people from all around the world with all different levels of education. The conversation was so enjoyable.

My friend Tina's sister had her 7-month old baby with her. Take a look at that chub! I'm still wishing that cellulite looked as good on me as it does on this chubby baby!

From the Luncheon

This is my grandmother, my mother and me at the Beth Waters luncheon. I love this picture.

Smoothie Prison

I love frozen drinks. Mmmm-mmm! So when I get them, I just can't put them down! So my special treat always goes away within a few minutes. Booo :( So I came up with a trick! Since I couldn't keep the smoothie out of my mouth while driving, I stuck it in the passenger side door! I could only reach for it at stop lights. Really, it was perfect- my yummy smoothie lasted for at least an extra 5 minutes!

The smoothie of choice was Smoothie King's Slim-n-Trim Strawberry (without the turbinado sugar added, of course!).I love this smoothie because of its ingredients (banana, strawberries, protein) and because it is a refreshing, filling snack.